Research
Desire Codes began with a 9-month study by Nonfiction Research. We interviewed Americans from all walks of life, experts in the field of human sexuality, and quantified our findings with a nationally representative survey. This research produced the 31 Desire Codes, but along the way we learned some interesting things about sexuality today.
I. Americans want sex to take them to many different places
Sex. Three letters that hide millions of different experiences. We each come to sex with our own stories, cultural expectations, histories, fears, and desires. For some, sex is the deepest expression of love; for others it is a game of tennis. For some it is a stress release valve, and still others are chasing god.
told us they typically want to experience deep love and connection in a sexual experience.
seek to feel desirable in a sexual experience.
told us they typically want to connect to all their senses and body in a sexual experience.
What Americans say they want (or don't want) may surprise you
II. Feeling "not on the same page" as your partner is the norm, not the exception
Sex can take people to wildly different places. When partners want different things, mismatch can feel confusing, even when everything else is good.
have felt "not on the same page" with their partner about what interested them sexually.
felt this way with a partner they were in a committed relationship with.
felt this about a partner they are currently committed to.
"I never learned how to talk about or express my sexual desires. I still have a lot of pent-up desires and fears that makes sexual expression quite challenging even though I am 40."
"The last person I was with did not understand the assignment. It was very disappointing. I do not like adding to my bodycount, but that is just where we are."
III. Americans are learning more from the internet than real partners
This overreliance on internet advice, and more specifically porn, for education on sex, desire, and pleasure is skewing our perceptions of each other and curbing our ability to learn and communicate with our IRL partners.
have done something to become better partners.
have never directly asked a current or former partner what they liked.
have used the internet and more specifically, pornography, to figure out what they like.
IV. Desire Codes is a tool to make decoding desire easier and more fun
Few of us know how to give language to our desires. Desire Codes gives people a shared vocabulary, so the conversation can start with curiosity instead of guessing.
I feel like Americans are just beginning to explore sex without it being so taboo and shameful.